Am I Crazy or What?!

Oh my! So this time, I finally have a chance to tell you about my crazy Idea.

I have gained a lot of weight since the beginning of the year of 2017. It is inevitable for me that I have become morbidly obese. Again… So in 2014 my weight reached its peak which at that time was 115-120 kg. I am not sure about the total weight because I was so afraid of scale. It made me frustrated and made me even wanting to eat more and more. It was torturing.

I didn’t realize I was fat actually. Who does? No one realizes how fat he is or she is, right? So did I. After all that, I met the one that I love. So my SO liked me from the first time that we met. I also enjoyed the company. Then we went somewhere and I saw myself in the mirror with my SO. It was devastating. It was literally like number 10. Not in a good way haha. I was the 0 and my SO was the 1. Well, it slapped me on my face. Like that’s not enough, that realization hit me on my guts also. I didn’t feel like I want to eat anymore. I wanted to stop eating.

The problem was, I could only do that for like a day. The next day, I felt like crap. I ate even more than I used to eat. It was a never ending cycle. I ended up gained more. I noticed because my pants were getting tighter. Then I read about the OMAD diet. A person can only eat for one meal a day. I tried it. The first day was amazingly difficult but I did it. I managed to finish my first day of diet. At this point, I was so optimist and I believed in myself that I can do it! The most difficult thing was to stop when I started to eat. After the third day, things got harder. I craved a lot of sweets like chocolates and candy, which was my favorite.

After a month, I lost like 10kg. It was a huge deal at that time. I succeded.  I was so happy. Actually, my SO also motivated me to do it. My SO literally helped me to stop eating after I started to eat. I went on like this for more than 3 months. After those long nights without dinner and only one meal a day. I had lost like 25kg. I looked much better. It continued for another 3 months. Then I had to go back to my parents’ house for some business. At that time, I lived in Bali and my parents lived in Jakarta. I went on LDR with my SO. At this time, after 6 months of OMAD diet. My weight was finally reached the ideal weight. My height is 173cm and I weighed about 80kg. I was on euphoria. People at home didn’t even recognize me anymore. I bought all new clothings in Jakarta because all of my clothings were way too big for me at that time.

People were so happy for me. They kept on asking me, how? I told them the truth about OMAD diet. I was on the roof. My head was filled with proudness. Then something happened. My SO cheated on me. It’s understandable. I was way too far from my SO. It wasn’t a problem for me. In fact, I controlled my eating very well. I didn’t do binge eating like I used to. In fact, I was still with my SO until 1 year later.  The stress and the pressure didn’t help me at all. It made me worse. I gained weight again, kg by kg. Until I decided to let go of my SO. I broke up. It worsen the situation. The only way I knew to relax me and avoid me from thinking too much was food. I was in a really good relation with food. I was happy again.

Now my weight has reached 109 kg. 1 kg away from 110. The number is very big and it is very close to my old weight which was 115-120kg. I panicked. Instead of stop eating, I eat even more. Until I read about Water Fasting. It was so crazy. I just found out, a person can survive without food for so long. I decided to try it. I commited my self that I will be successful with this water fasting. I promised my self that I will have my ideal weight again even though the catch is so expensive, no food at all.

So I set my goal. I have to fast for 720 hours without food. How long is 720 hours actually? It is only 30 days. It should be easy. That’s what I thought on my first day. I had gone through months of OMAD diet. Which literally means I only eat one time in a day. I was very confident about it haha. Yup, I was. Now I am not so confident. So I told some people about this idea and they told me the same thing. “YOU ARE CRAZY!!” , “DO YOU WANT TO KILL YOURSELF???!” , “WHAT THE HELL?!” and more like that. They even pray for me to die faster so I don’t have to torture myself. Very closed minded right?

Well, I know it is a crazy Idea. Please do not try this on yourself without proper research. I did my research and I think it is not an impossible thing to do. That’s why I am doing it right now. That’s my crazy idea, what’s yours? Remember to always be wise…

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